Back to my creative self

It’s been a while since I have written.

There is noise occupying the space that was meant for meditative silence. To write in a way that is pure and truly reflects my soul, I have to move back to a space of “no-mind” - as there alone judgement and subjectivity can be dropped and expression transcends into a flow - a flow of words, of thoughts and the wholesome energy that unifies my being to my source.

There is a calling - a need to shed the confusion, the duality and the seductive foreplay between the mind and my expression ego. I am tired ...this is not my natural state. There is a need for oneness - for me to immerse myself by dropping the me and just being in sync with the total existence.

I am Hola, the warrior of light, I have to immerse in the light again. 

An unplanned divorce.....

Always taken pride in being the smart one who knows the way to maneuver and transverse my way through complex people situations but failed miserably at my own personal relationships. There is only one logical explanation for this- an amazing ability to dwell in state of familiarity with doom!

At a very fundamental level I harvested an inseparable bond with solitude and "bad endings"...all because of my lack of experience and fear of associating with the "real thing". It has been a convenient position to play victim and confuse others and myself with word play!

Did not realise it but had started the year with the clearest creative visualization. The process started through casual conversation but before I knew it manifested into my "real thing"....yes I am madly and deeply in love. I would have thought that past experiences would have left me equipped to handle it well...but I was wrong. All preparations and "word play" has had no bearing on the real thing....it has in fact paved a divorce between solitude and me....

I'm without my armour of words and guard yet feel in the safest place I can possibly be in. I do ask myself whether I am ready but the minute I voice the question....it seems irrelevant....I just instinctively know its not only the real thing but the right one....

Hola has transformed....

A random thought....

Have you ever wondered why relationships go bad? Whatever happens to the constant attention that you could thrive on and why does it become an effort....

I have always believed that I have a very unique gift...make me fall even remotely close/ attracted to someone and all of a sudden the person becomes an "energy magnet" and gets whisked away. Have seen oddest of them turn such....and this has often perturbed me and in most instances hurt me...

However, outerspection gave me a fresh perspective ....human dynamics and energy overload at play...an appreciation that New Age has gifted to me. When two people interact, energy flows through them and if one is more assertive, more energy of that person flows into the other in the form of ideas/ thoughts almost subconsciously....and at certain level the two people start to mirror each other and the well proven adage - " similar repel and opposite attract" starts to play up at a sublime level. Further the giver has the expectation of being returned what rightfully belongs to him/her and whilst the receiver is in oblivia- the end result is thwarted intentions and unfulfilled expectations....

The solution lies in "balance" and not giving what the other is not ready to receive....hence we need to be aware of ourselves at all times and present to others..especially until you meet the "right one" with the perfectly complimenting energy level.

Hola awareness is a gift, use it well!

Courage needed....

I was getting caught up in the realms of introspection and retrospection, when I stumbled upon a new word -outerspection- which simply means stepping out of your shoes and then viewing yourself from the outside....My picture is surprisingly pleasant......Thirty-five, single, successful, surrounded in love, handful and with an articulation that could kill you with its clarity ....yet I struggle....focusing way too much on lost emotions and opportunities. I have got to stop relentless gratitude slander!

There are just to many blessings to ignore and I have got to acknowledge and say thank you....

The next few days are going to be about planning....and making a difference as a friend kindly pointed out that I run the risk of "hormonal burn out" if I do not channelise this quickly....

I need to think back of the inspiration that drove me until here and the hidden path will appear.

I cannot give up at this juncture as stopping halfway can sometimes be more trying then persevering the goal till the end.

Don't give up now Hola....you are not as alone as you think you are...

Closure is the best way to assure new beginnings....

2013 - a year that started with a feeling of elation, got stormed through the first quarter itself. A self proclaimed dream came to a quick end and thus started a rendezvous with the minds realms and a rebel mode against templated thinking and linear assumptions..... 

Whilst there were some goodbyes, what dominated were new friendships, travel to new places, new assignments and new approaches. All in this has been a fabulous year and it has left me with some valuable lessons....

1. Gratitude is the Best way....the more you acknowledge and thank the universe for its blessings, the more it showers you. 

2. The most sustainable love affair is the one with your own self. I had to stop and take stock of "how do I perceive myself" which has changed my relatedness to everyone else. 

3. Be present and cognizant to "duality" as from there emerges the truth about relativity and oneness

4. Nothing is permanent and you need to remember the "cloud" from Richard Bach's Illusions...so that you realise why each person comes. 

5. "Do" and walk away...let the best man chase...

6. My body is my temple....I need to look after it....what's better than having 2 absolutely gorgeous personal trainers....

7. Just "be" ...but remember others are "being too".... Respect everyone's circumstance as in that lies the crux of blissful coexistence ....

Finished the pending chapters and sealed the boxes....to be packed away.....May revisit them one day but not yet....

All in a good year has ended and a better one awaits....but before it ends...I say a Big Thank You to one that watches over me..

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

Hola gears up for 2014....

A Sign....

It was a moment that arrived after years of absconding and in some ways waiting. I took the name of the guiding light and evading love in one breathe and the moment happened....I fell out of love at the exact same point that I realized that I am now ready to find true love....

The journey that to my mind was my soul mate search was actually of self actualization and of connecting back to my soul. It was all preparation. I now know that I am ready for the real thing...my creative visualization was never so clear, so certain and so real....I know the moment has arrived.

The clarity is of the true definition of the one true love and my role as a soul bride.

Hola starts the best chapter thus far.....

Being that fabulous woman....

We spend so much time waiting to be with a loved one, hoping that love will find us and believing in that " happily ever after fallacy". Unfortunately that's not how life works! Each time you put yourself out there, placing your happiness at the mercy of another, or look out with an expectation, be sure to hurt yourself yet again....

The only dependable way to create love in your life that is enough to sustain you is to start by loving yourself. By doing so, you are enabling the perfect harmony of your life force to create great situations in your life to occur...

Seven years of being by myself and with some poor excuses for relationships to my account, I know for a fact that the only sustainable love is the one that you have for yourself...and that has nothing to do with being selfish....every person does it and for once Hola needs to learn to prioritize herself...and remember....

"You are as you are meant to be, nothing can influence you unless you allow it to influence you....you need no nothing. Just continue to be the beautiful you and trust the universe. There is only one life so make the most of every moment"

Hola turns foxy :)) 

Hola still loves....

There is a need to transcend from duality to oneness...from the false illusion to the real...to turn from the outside to the inside for true guidance towards your chosen path. The mind plays games but you need to quieten it's noise and shift the focus to the core...by not ignoring the realms of confusion or peeling them but simply accepting each layer and heading towards the core....a fusion towards who you actually are....

It's in that moment of oneness and being silenced that you realize the true bliss of "tawakul" and attain nirvana....

Be one...accept...let go...remember that in losing everything that you gain everything!

Hola still loves....