Back to my creative self

It’s been a while since I have written.

There is noise occupying the space that was meant for meditative silence. To write in a way that is pure and truly reflects my soul, I have to move back to a space of “no-mind” - as there alone judgement and subjectivity can be dropped and expression transcends into a flow - a flow of words, of thoughts and the wholesome energy that unifies my being to my source.

There is a calling - a need to shed the confusion, the duality and the seductive foreplay between the mind and my expression ego. I am tired ...this is not my natural state. There is a need for oneness - for me to immerse myself by dropping the me and just being in sync with the total existence.

I am Hola, the warrior of light, I have to immerse in the light again. 

An unplanned divorce.....

Always taken pride in being the smart one who knows the way to maneuver and transverse my way through complex people situations but failed miserably at my own personal relationships. There is only one logical explanation for this- an amazing ability to dwell in state of familiarity with doom!

At a very fundamental level I harvested an inseparable bond with solitude and "bad endings"...all because of my lack of experience and fear of associating with the "real thing". It has been a convenient position to play victim and confuse others and myself with word play!

Did not realise it but had started the year with the clearest creative visualization. The process started through casual conversation but before I knew it manifested into my "real thing"....yes I am madly and deeply in love. I would have thought that past experiences would have left me equipped to handle it well...but I was wrong. All preparations and "word play" has had no bearing on the real thing....it has in fact paved a divorce between solitude and me....

I'm without my armour of words and guard yet feel in the safest place I can possibly be in. I do ask myself whether I am ready but the minute I voice the question....it seems irrelevant....I just instinctively know its not only the real thing but the right one....

Hola has transformed....

A random thought....

Have you ever wondered why relationships go bad? Whatever happens to the constant attention that you could thrive on and why does it become an effort....

I have always believed that I have a very unique gift...make me fall even remotely close/ attracted to someone and all of a sudden the person becomes an "energy magnet" and gets whisked away. Have seen oddest of them turn such....and this has often perturbed me and in most instances hurt me...

However, outerspection gave me a fresh perspective ....human dynamics and energy overload at play...an appreciation that New Age has gifted to me. When two people interact, energy flows through them and if one is more assertive, more energy of that person flows into the other in the form of ideas/ thoughts almost subconsciously....and at certain level the two people start to mirror each other and the well proven adage - " similar repel and opposite attract" starts to play up at a sublime level. Further the giver has the expectation of being returned what rightfully belongs to him/her and whilst the receiver is in oblivia- the end result is thwarted intentions and unfulfilled expectations....

The solution lies in "balance" and not giving what the other is not ready to receive....hence we need to be aware of ourselves at all times and present to others..especially until you meet the "right one" with the perfectly complimenting energy level.

Hola awareness is a gift, use it well!

Courage needed....

I was getting caught up in the realms of introspection and retrospection, when I stumbled upon a new word -outerspection- which simply means stepping out of your shoes and then viewing yourself from the outside....My picture is surprisingly pleasant......Thirty-five, single, successful, surrounded in love, handful and with an articulation that could kill you with its clarity ....yet I struggle....focusing way too much on lost emotions and opportunities. I have got to stop relentless gratitude slander!

There are just to many blessings to ignore and I have got to acknowledge and say thank you....

The next few days are going to be about planning....and making a difference as a friend kindly pointed out that I run the risk of "hormonal burn out" if I do not channelise this quickly....

I need to think back of the inspiration that drove me until here and the hidden path will appear.

I cannot give up at this juncture as stopping halfway can sometimes be more trying then persevering the goal till the end.

Don't give up now Hola....you are not as alone as you think you are...

Closure is the best way to assure new beginnings....

2013 - a year that started with a feeling of elation, got stormed through the first quarter itself. A self proclaimed dream came to a quick end and thus started a rendezvous with the minds realms and a rebel mode against templated thinking and linear assumptions..... 

Whilst there were some goodbyes, what dominated were new friendships, travel to new places, new assignments and new approaches. All in this has been a fabulous year and it has left me with some valuable lessons....

1. Gratitude is the Best way....the more you acknowledge and thank the universe for its blessings, the more it showers you. 

2. The most sustainable love affair is the one with your own self. I had to stop and take stock of "how do I perceive myself" which has changed my relatedness to everyone else. 

3. Be present and cognizant to "duality" as from there emerges the truth about relativity and oneness

4. Nothing is permanent and you need to remember the "cloud" from Richard Bach's Illusions...so that you realise why each person comes. 

5. "Do" and walk away...let the best man chase...

6. My body is my temple....I need to look after it....what's better than having 2 absolutely gorgeous personal trainers....

7. Just "be" ...but remember others are "being too".... Respect everyone's circumstance as in that lies the crux of blissful coexistence ....

Finished the pending chapters and sealed the boxes....to be packed away.....May revisit them one day but not yet....

All in a good year has ended and a better one awaits....but before it ends...I say a Big Thank You to one that watches over me..

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

Hola gears up for 2014....

A Sign....

It was a moment that arrived after years of absconding and in some ways waiting. I took the name of the guiding light and evading love in one breathe and the moment happened....I fell out of love at the exact same point that I realized that I am now ready to find true love....

The journey that to my mind was my soul mate search was actually of self actualization and of connecting back to my soul. It was all preparation. I now know that I am ready for the real thing...my creative visualization was never so clear, so certain and so real....I know the moment has arrived.

The clarity is of the true definition of the one true love and my role as a soul bride.

Hola starts the best chapter thus far.....

Being that fabulous woman....

We spend so much time waiting to be with a loved one, hoping that love will find us and believing in that " happily ever after fallacy". Unfortunately that's not how life works! Each time you put yourself out there, placing your happiness at the mercy of another, or look out with an expectation, be sure to hurt yourself yet again....

The only dependable way to create love in your life that is enough to sustain you is to start by loving yourself. By doing so, you are enabling the perfect harmony of your life force to create great situations in your life to occur...

Seven years of being by myself and with some poor excuses for relationships to my account, I know for a fact that the only sustainable love is the one that you have for yourself...and that has nothing to do with being selfish....every person does it and for once Hola needs to learn to prioritize herself...and remember....

"You are as you are meant to be, nothing can influence you unless you allow it to influence you....you need no nothing. Just continue to be the beautiful you and trust the universe. There is only one life so make the most of every moment"

Hola turns foxy :)) 

Hola still loves....

There is a need to transcend from duality to oneness...from the false illusion to the real...to turn from the outside to the inside for true guidance towards your chosen path. The mind plays games but you need to quieten it's noise and shift the focus to the core...by not ignoring the realms of confusion or peeling them but simply accepting each layer and heading towards the core....a fusion towards who you actually are....

It's in that moment of oneness and being silenced that you realize the true bliss of "tawakul" and attain nirvana....

Be one...accept...let go...remember that in losing everything that you gain everything!

Hola still loves....

Warrior of Light conflicted!!

A recent sense check did not paint a pretty picture.

When you try too hard without actual focus of the journey it always ends up in disaster. While the Paulo Cohelo fan in me does lead me back to the legendary quote of truly wanting something and the entire universe conspiring to make it come true…there is a need to take note of the underlying spirit of this in light of the Laws of Attraction.

Life will unfold at it’s own pace and at most times what stares at your face is a manifestation of very deep rooted thoughts and emotions that sometimes you don’t even know existed. Oh my, have I had a rude awakening of what has been operating in the realms of my subconscious mind. I seem to have been caught up in running after what is not meant to be while hiding behind a façade of control and simplicity. The closest of my relationships/friendships are turning all complex and unrecognizable. My past clings to me or is it me still latching on….and the ugliness of reality has started to creep into my present. I sometimes don’t even recognize the person I see in the mirror….has this been a result of working against the life forces in a manner that totally twists the judgment to make a decent call.

There is only one way out- LET GO and TRUST.

Hola will need to take a plunge and this time there is no “safety belt”. However what is different is the trust that the universe will not disappoint me…it never has. My answers will emerge if only I am present…to little lessons. The life force is more of a friend to me than I am a friend to myself…

On the sensitive subject of relationships I realized- I must first meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then only will it be simple, not as convoluted as now. I don't need to depend on others and neither do I need to make others dependent on me. I just have to keep it simple….

Then it is always friendliness. It does not need to become a relationship, it can exist as relatedness. At this juncture of life I just need to relate, but not create a relationships/ or a marriage. Marriage is out of fear, relatedness is out of love.


As long there is sharing and relatedness everything will be beautiful. And if a moment does come to depart because paths separate at a crossroad then I will not hold back…. I will say good-bye with great gratitude for all that the other has been, for all the joys and all the pleasures and all the beautiful moments that one has shared and just walk away….like a true warrior of light.

I like the idea of 2011...somehow it is a year that promises change and evolving perspectives. Everything is different this time round, even the way the year started ...and what has started differently will definitely have a refreshing end.

Firmed up a resolution list, brushed off the dust from 2010 and have jumped into 2011 with only one thing - FAITH!

Boxes to New Beginnings

This new year of 2011, is symbolically also bringing in a new beginning....a new role, a new home, old friends new relationships, refreshed perspectives...

I am moving yet another time. This is the third move in the last five years. The number of boxes has just gone up by double or is it more? A gentle reminder that my life has become more bountiful and my blessings have grown.

It’s a week before I move and the days are going to be filled with packing.
Packing as tiring as it can be has its own pleasure. As I go through my belongings, I reminisce the experiences, that the last 5 years in Malaysia has afforded me…think about the moments with friends and family that has pieced my life together. I walk through the different memories that I have collected, often pausing for a moment to shed a tear or just smile with contentment...it is a wonderful experience and I personally like to pack all by myself...its Me time...it gives me the moment when I thank God for everything.

I look forward to the new life as I believe that there is only the best which is on store…

Hola, here I come again!!

Being receptive...

Am I being receptive to what the universe is giving me?
I can hear the whispers in the wind but am I really listening?

Listening is one of the basic secrets of entering into oneness with the universe. It means forgetting yourself completely. If you cannot forget yourself, you never listen. If you are too self-conscious about yourself, you simply pretend that you are listening - you don't really listen. You may nod your head; you may sometimes say yes and no, but you are not listening. To really listen and become wholesome you need to drop the judgment and adopt a whole new way of doing things. To listen, you need to become just a passage, a receptacle, a womb: become feminine. Listening is the art for becoming passive.

Receptivity represents the feminine, receptive quality of water and of the emotions. As a woman, one of the most essential traits is the ability to receive in way that the aggressive mind is silenced and not allowed to hinder the pure receptivity. Through this, one brings on the complete acceptance and gratitude for whatever life brings, without any expectations or demands. Neither duty nor thought of merit or reward are important.

Be that woman Hola!!

Good Mantras

REJOICE

Be happy. Life is too short to let it pass in sorrow. Smile, be cheerful. There is no greater treasure and wealth than the twinkle in your eye that joy brings. Reach out to that bliss that makes your heart dance and don’t be shy to rejoice and celebrate life. Don’t live in an illusion that too much happiness is not good for life. Go make someone happy today and you will be happy. To rejoice, you may have to re-choice, choose different things, people and circumstances but it is better to change than to continue living in misery for the rest of your life. If you truly want to live, rejoice. Be happy today and everyday for the rest of your life. And the good news is that you can. You can choose to be Happy.

VALUE LIFE

Do you value life? Do you consider it to be your greatest gift, your most valuable treasure or do you just drag through life? Life is a beautiful journey for those who value it, for those who catch hold of it and don’t let it escape. To them, life is more valuable than money because every fleeting moment of life that is gone is gone forever. So, they treasure every moment, every day. They really value life. Do you value life? Do you give it all you have got? Are you excited about life or are you just letting it slip away? Have your days, months and years escaped you? It is not too late. Stop now. Transform your life and live.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

What is the purpose of your life? Does your life have some meaning and direction? May be it could be your passion to make a difference. Either you can choose to live life meaninglessly or you can get excited about living a legacy, about doing something that will remain long after you are gone. There are countless opportunities for each one of us to make a difference. Be it to serve suffering humanity or just by simply sharing our life experiences. Each of these are capable of making a big difference. Life becomes beautiful when it is lived with a purpose and still more glorious if that purpose is to make a difference.

Let go and trust

I have grappled for long, wondering why the wounds of the past kept surfacing time and again. Why do the patterns all seem so familiar that I can almost predict the oncoming catastrophe? Maybe, it’s my mind that creates the catastrophe and gives it the space to unravel. For one thing, there is something to be healed.

There is a wound, I must acknowledge and be aware of it. I need not help it to grow, I have to let it be healed; and it will be healed only when I move to the roots. I only need to use less of the head for the wound to heal and stop the conflict between the mind and the soul; with no head there is no wound. The mind and soul have to merge and emerge to its higher sense...as a total being that is wholesome.

The only way is total acceptance as a way of life, whatsoever happens. I will allow myself to feel the energy of words and let the emotions flow through me. It is time when the deeply buried wounds of the past come to the surface, ready and available to be healed. I want to stretch open my arms and allow my soul to stand naked, vulnerable and open to the loving touch of existence. Allow my aura to be full of light and let the quality of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds me dissolve all struggle and suffering. I do not want to hide from myself or others.

Just let go and trust the universe….

From another time....

Something wrote more than a decade ago...it was another time...another reality!!

Take me to the heavens where my dreams wait for me…
Take me to the stars that shimmer in the after glow of loves reality.
Take me to the place where loving has no price.
Where the sun and the moon know no eclipses and brightness is there to stay…
Is such a place a figment of my imagination or have I a memory from another time

For when you are close and I hear that heartbeat
The moments’ frenzy goes beyond all reasons, words or delight
The reality is self recognized.

Have I known you from another time, where we had each other in love
For every little move you make in any direction other than mine…
I feel a pain of thwarted intentions
…even though there are no words of commitment to quote
I believe I have heard them from your lips
…an expression of love for me
Was it from another time…where love had no price

Take me back in time where I belong to you
Take me to the heavens where my dreams wait for me…

Absconding or evasive...

Been away for more than 7 months…away from my favorite channel to express myself…my blog!!

I asked the universe what will inspire me to write again….and as always it did not let me down. A friend kindly pointed out that I alone can inspire myself. So here I am, back again … supported by the fact that there is enough bedlam in me and enough eagerness to share to bring me to a point where I am able to write without exerting my mind and in a flow that releases.

I have been evasive…shying away from life, love and its opportunity. More often than not I have prophesized to myself what I call the true knowing of being in love….and now I realize that I am far from understanding it…so decided to stop beating myself for it and rest with the fact that it is okay to be all confused and unclear…and at a cross road of life...

Through windy paths set forth in front of me,
Many lessons did I ignore and chose not to see.
The universe has sent the realization to me,
Loneliness shall end and love shall be…
How? ....It does not matter,
All I know is that my evasive spirit is destined to shatter.
A moment at the crossroad of time that will be…

A careless glance will cross all and reach my heart
It will mark the end of absconding…to define a new start.
To endless moments of healing care
Kind words, whispers and secrets to share
For again, when my heart will have the courage to dare…
A moment that will make me vulnerable yet ready to bare

Loneliness shall end and love shall be…
How? ....It does not matter,
All I know is my evasive spirit is destined to shatter.
A moment at the crossroad of time that will be…

The meaning of life will unfold as I tread through the crossroads of time
There will be renewed energies, a new spirit and a new life…

Hola – its time to stop absconding!!!

Move on....

Time has moved on....
People have moved on....
I moved on too...

From a frightened girl who spoke about lost love and unknown dreams...I have became a mature woman...who knows how to find, shape and keep her destiny.

It is inevitable...everything has to change with time.
I changed ....My feelings changed too. I am now grounded and free to live magnanimously!!!

I am truly - HOLA the warrior of light!

Complacency or just the wait for the right moment..

Has the slowness around, made me complacent or am I waiting for the right moment for change? It is as though I am living in an abandoned space.

I have been transported to the anticipated distant lands twice over but I am still waiting for the moment to happen…nothing seems out of sync…yet there is abandonment. I am pretty much like a tree that knows it is time to bring the flowers so it is time to let go of all the leaves and stand naked against the sky.

I just have to trust the universe and its pace!!!

Sudden shower!!!

Just when I stopped watching time and complaining a sudden shower brought in a whole load of happiness. These beautiful drops of rain carried with them the whiff of a new spirit and indicated the beginning of a new cycle.

I am open to the world of possibilities because I know I have grown more loving, more self-contained and work easily with the universe. I am relaxed and now recognize possibilities as they present themselves, sometimes even before others can see them.

I am in tune with nature and I understand that existence is providing me with exactly what I want….

A big thank you to the one who is watching over me…big hugz!!!

KISS- Keep it simple silly!!!

Why was I waiting for the extra-ordinary to touch my life, for me to enjoy life in its full capacity? Goodness is all around me irrespective of where I am. I just have to be present to it.

I reminded myself to become one with the universe. Then only a peace, a happiness, a bliss could surround me and everything became extra-ordinary. I now feel fulfilled. There is no need for me to wait for special moments to enjoy life. I just had to be present to each moment and it transformed my life into an extra-ordinary life.

Beauty can be found in the simple, ordinary things of life. We so easily take this beautiful world we live in for granted. Cleaning the house, tending the garden, doing routine office work , cooking a meal--the most mundane tasks take on a sacred quality when they are performed with total involvement, with love, and for their own sake, without thought of recognition or reward.

I have stepped into a zone of being easy, natural and utterly ordinary in my approach to the situations I encounter and see it bringing far better results than any attempt to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extra-ordinary. I have detached myself from the end result and life has now presented the best to me. All it took was taking things easily and simply, one step at a time. The mantra for an extra-ordinary life is Keep it Simple Silly!!!